So much running through my mind - Taking over, drowning the good
Filling the void with dark envelopes of failure, stress, unknowing, ill mood
Finding the happiness feels like a never ending task
Forcing me to spend the day underneath my mask
My mask hides despair; my mask hides impending doom; my mask hides insecurity
On my face is a forced smile that feels like it is cracking
cracking my soul, breaking my body, my pride it's defeating
Stealing my energy like a thief in the night
Depression takes hold throwing me into the impending fight
the fight for my life, I want it back
But until I know, I am stuck in this limbo
I fight with the little energy I have left
But yet I wonder if it is worth it
Are my dreams worth the fight? Or should I just accept things as they are right now
No emotion, no creativity, no creating, no life
I am but a vessel in this world and Gods work is supposed to flow through me
I know what I am supposed to do, I just don't know how to do it
I need to get through this mess I call my current life
but yet the walls are closing in and the way out hidden by the chaos
As they push in, I push out - lash out - try to get out -
What has happened to me, I don't even know
Just as soon as I get my act together, the stage begins to grow
to grow in directions I don't understand
Do I go stage right or left or do I follow the band
If I step up and sing, will my voice be heard
will it do its part and spread the Word
Or will is fade into the back, unknown by all
Just becoming another nail in the wall
All my life success came from others results
From kids being good citizens and not joining cults
From being trustworthy, not stealing and acting like adults
From how others turned out after working with me
Once, just once, I want it to be
How I do, how I work, how I sing, how I act
Judge my results on my work, not on my effect
Just tell me one way or the other
take me out of this limbo and bother
to let me do what I need to do
to create, to sing, to do my special thing
I know I can if I can just get the chance
You'll be proud of me when I finally get to dance.
I'll be proud of me then too, because I wont have to change
to fit the mold of the perfect person in everyones brain
I just want to be me, not anyone else
I am not perfect but I am also not false
I am warm, I am friendly and I am talented too
And if I get my chance I won't forget you
All of you who helped me get there
Who helped and inspired and believed and cared
I appreciate each and everyone of you
and, quite honestly, you are the ones who helped me through
With your kindness, honesty, friendship and love
I will get through this hell and rise above
I will follow my dream, to be successful in my life
As a performer, as a teacher, as a woman and as a wife.
Successful by the standards I set and not 'the powers that be'
How did they get the right to rule over me?
Somehow they got the power and I get the shaft
Oh well, life goes on and I'll get the last laugh
They will be sad that they let me go
because I will go and get "on with the show"
I will be successful in my own right
I may not be the best but I'll be doing all right
I plan to be happy and for once enjoy what I do
as I bring happiness, to the masses and to you.
